Now European iPhones Are More Fun

Complaining about things is a cherished American pastime, so let me indulge this: iPhones are more fun in Europe now, and that’s not fair.

They get all kinds of stuff because they have amazing Regulators, unlike regular regulators. Third-party app stores, the ability to run browsers on their own engines, Fortnite, Now, is there a possibility to replace multiple default apps? I want that too! Imagine if Chrome on iOS wasn’t just a little Safari emulator! Imagine downloading a new communication app with a soundboard of fart sounds and setting it as the default app! Unfortunately, Apple doesn’t seem interested in sharing these capabilities with everyone.

But beyond emulators and its reluctant adoption of RCS, Apple seems only interested in doing the bare minimum to keep regulators off its back. It’s as if the company is selling two different iPhones: one for people in Europe, and one for everyone else to buy. That’s odd, especially since keeping things simple and consistent is the kind of thing Apple is all about. But the company is so committed to keeping the two separate that it won’t even let you update apps from third-party app stores if you’ve been out of the EU for more than a month.

The point is this: Wouldn’t it make more business sense to give everyone the same options, regardless of where they live? This isn’t about Apple making two different iPhones in an attempt to appeal to different cultural preferences. This is about making one iPhone that’s more flexible and customizable, and another that’s not.

Maybe Apple will gradually give in and offer parity as it did with emulators. But I think the company should do something unusual: drop the pretense and let everyone, everywhere, have the same iPhone. That would be bold! Brave! But most of all, it would be a lot more fun.